There, I said it.
Ever since the idea of having kids has been in my mind I have contemplated different ways to take advantage of their innocence and lack of size. The first idea I had was on my kid's first Halloween I am going to paint it green and give it Yoda ears. Then I'm going to put it in a baby carrier, dress up like Luke SKywalker, and wear the baby carrier backwards. Hold your applause please.
Another idea I am considering is to give my kids off-the-wall middle names. Bawitaba, for example.You know those people who don't like to tell you their middle names because they are embarassed? Those will be my kids. I don't really understand why people even give a shit about a middle name. You only hear them at graduations or when you're in trouble anyways. I guess my point is no one has never not hooked up, not gotten a job, or had less friends because of their middle name.
But those are ideas are merely Bush League...my next idea-my magnum opus if you will-is this...
Ok, a girl baby would work in this, but I'm banking on having a boy. Picture this if you will.
So at about the time my baby is sort of learning to walk-like awkward wobble stage- I would:
|1. Shave his head like this|
|2.Dress him up like this (cane and all)|
|3. Take him to a park with this|
I would then proceed to give my baby a bag of birdseed, then I would hide in the bushes and wait for the awesomeness to ensue. I would start him on the bench, feeding the birds, but the master plan is that he would get up with his cane-this is where the awkward walking comes into play- and walk around slowly (having just learned to walk) like a little old man.
Am I kidding? Absolutely not. I would patten this idea if I could, but because I'm so gracious I urge you all to try it out when you have kids.